Love is the Law!

I am posting a few personal high points of last year in no particular order. Nancy

All Married

Reps. Carolyn Laine and Susan Allen

One of the biggest events of 2013 was the legalization of same-sex marriage. In Minnesota, it happened via legislators like our friend Carolyn Laine; Susan Allen, the first openly lesbian Native American legislator in the country; and Karen Clark, the first open lesbian in the Minnesota legislature. 

NanBec at MN state capitol on Love is the Law day 

Becky and I attended the jubilant ceremony at the state capitol in May when Governor Dayton signed the bill into law. Our marriage, performed in San Francisco in 2008, became valid in Minnesota on August 1, 2013. 

With the Defense of Marriage Act being struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court this summer, our marriage was suddenly also recognized by the United States government. Although these rulings give us access to hundreds of rights previously off limits, the most immediate benefit for me has been psychological and social. Being able to say "my wife" simplifies interactions in the world immensely. Whereas mentioning "my partner" usually elicited an awkward, confused, and/or disapproving silence, mentioning "my wife" often results in a smile, a heartfelt "Congratulations!" and/or a story about a gay friend or relative who just got married. People understand marriage. Suddenly I'm okay, not weird or threatening, part of the human community.

Amy Posmantur and Terry Cramer' s wedding

After Washington instituted marriage equality, we attended 2 weddings in Seattle. For our friends Amy Posmantur, a federal employee, and her partner of 31 years, Terry Cramer, marriage has significant immediate and long-term  benefits. Their July wedding with their closest friends and family members was a celebration of community and love.

Ruth Baetz, officiant Kate Thayer, and Sandra Jo Palm

We returned to Seattle in October for the wedding of Ruth Baetz and Sandra Jo Palm. They had asked us to be their witnesses at a no-fuss city hall ceremony. But the night before at a charades party in their home, they surprised us all. Wearing T-shirts from the Puget Sound Women's Peace Camp, where they fell in love almost 30 years ago, they asked their friend to marry them right there. Kate, ordained online through the Universal Life Church a few days earlier, pronounced Ruth and Sandra Jo, spouses for life. 

Reverends Nancy and Becky

Last month our neighbors asked if we knew anyone who could marry them. We offered ourselves and got ordained online in about 15 minutes. Our neighbors decided to hold off until next year, but now we can serve anyone, gay or straight, who has been waiting for marriage equality to get hitched.

And you may now call us . . . Reverend NanBec. :-)

My Wife, My Mistress

Leave it to California to spice up our romantic life.

On September 3, 2008, Nancy and I were married in the rotunda of the City Hall of San Francisco. The occasion was thrilling, solemn, and very emotional. After 14 years together, our commitment was suddenly being celebrated by everyone from the county clerk who issued our marriage license and the deputy commissioner who pronounced us "spouses for life," to family and friends who gave cards, gifts, tributes, and hugs. We floated on a wave of happiness for two-months and one day.

Then, on November 4, California voters passed Proposition 8. It restricts marriage to a man and a woman. Same-sex marriages are prohibited. Thankfully, according to CA Attorney General Jerry Brown, the 18,000 couples who wed between June and election day will continue to have a valid marriage. Even this ruling, though, is under siege by right-wing forces.

What this means personally is that, given the patchwork of marriage rights and non-rights across the nation, Nancy is my wife in California and in the states that recognize same-sex marriages: Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, and Rhode Island. Since I have a wife in those states, I guess that makes Nancy my mistress in the other 45 states, including our home state of Minnesota! You'd think that would be enough to make fundamentalist blood really boil.

In addition to having fun being married AND having an affair, we feel patient and hopeful about what we'd prefer: being legally married wherever we are. Every year the forces of tolerance eclipse the forces of bigotry inch by inch. I look at Obama's victory as a sparkling testament to what is possible. It will take a while longer, but Nancy and I believe that eventually the whole of the United States will support the right of everyone to marry regardless of their mate's gender.

Until then, I will have a wife in California and a mistress in Minnesota. Lucky me!

Becky